Bullsh*t List: The Pumpkin-ized Fall Edition

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Well, it’s that time of the year. Again. Everyone rejoices in sweater weather and scarf season. Quotes from L.M. Montgomery and F. Scott Fitzgerald litter our newsfeeds. We’re all surrounded by 50 shades of orange, and you can’t go grocery shopping without walking by shelves and shelves of pumpkin-flavored everything.

Don’t get us wrong—we love the occasional pumpkin spice latte, and most of us think Thanksgiving isn’t quite complete without pumpkin pie. But there has to be a line. We’re starting to get overwhelmed by the ceaseless fall-themed pumpkin-izing marketing tactics implemented by every supplier of food and drink that can transform their products into an imitation flavor of the giant orange fruit you would never actually eat by itself.

Pumpkin pie? Pass the cool whip. Pumpkin ale? Hey, it’s alcohol. But have you been to a Trader Joe’s in November? You can get actual pumpkins, of course, for all your carving and decorative needs, but they’ve taken it quite a few steps further into a BS-ridden pumpkin-ized hell.

You can find plenty of sweet pumpkin-flavored breakfast items, from cereals and granolas to toaster pastries and frozen waffles, meant to start your day with an orange-colored sugar-filled spicy rush. Then there’s pumpkin cream cheese to spread on your pumpkin bagels, and pumpkin tortilla chips to dip in pumpkin salsa. And pumpkin-flavored dog treats? Who is that benefiting, really? Your dog doesn’t care that it’s November. Your dog just wants food.

The novelty of seasonal pumpkin flavors is starting to wear off. A cliché starts as a good way to describe something, and it becomes a cliché when it’s overused as the only good way to describe something. Pumpkin is a fall staple, to be sure, but have you ever actually taken a bite out of a pumpkin? It tastes nothing like your spicy latte. We’re calling BS on most “pumpkin”-flavored foods. The flavor you’re pining for is actually a blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, clove and ginger. Not pumpkin.

Admittedly, we are a little curious about the pumpkin-flavored dog treats.